


If Only He Knew

by nyoungcat0913



Category: GOT7
Genre: Angst, M/M, a bit supernatural ish
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-05
Updated: 2015-10-05
Packaged: 2018-04-24 23:33:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,653
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4938190
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nyoungcat0913/pseuds/nyoungcat0913
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>They've always been together. Always held feelings for each other and yet they couldn't express it....until it's too late</p>
            </blockquote>





	If Only He Knew

**Author's Note:**

> Just reposted from my Live Journal account. I haven't used that account in a really long time so I decided to post it here since I use this more often. Btw, THIS WAS MY VERY FIRST FIC EVER. Enjoy!

Im Jaebum and Park Jinyoung have known each other all their lives. They've been inseparable since they met at the sandbox on the playground that fateful Summer day. Jaebum, or as his friends would like to call him JB, was always the active one. He played sports, joined event committees, and although he is sometimes hot-headed, people are drawn to him. Many agreed that it's an intangible charm, something you feel and not what you see kind of charm that draws people to JB. Jinyoung, or Jr, on the other hand, is his somewhat polar opposite. He's always the quiet one. He likes to go to the library to read books after school, when he's not in the mood or if the library is still to distracting for his taste, he would always go straight home. A lot of the boys called him a loner, but most of the girls in school found him more attractive in that sense. He always kept to himself, would always smile kindly when you go up and talk to him but that was it, he had no cliques, no group of friends he hangs out with on weekends, no one except Im Jaebum.  
  
From an outsider's point of view, JB and Jr would make the perfect brothers. Each has their own charm. And one would go out of his way to protect the other. However, there's something else deeper than the brotherhood that they have. Something unspoken. Jackson, one of JB's fencing buddies, once declared that he sees it in Jaebum's eyes when he talks about Jinyoung; that he sees it in his smile whenever Jinyoung talks to him. But Jackson wasn't known for his perception, people knew that while he's a genius in sports, love is a whole other story for him. If it were Mark, it'd be a different story.  
  
Jaebum knew he had been reckless at times, he couldn't help it. He always saw Jinyoung in a different light, always treated him as someone special. Because he is. Park Jinyoung is special. He would always come first before anyone else. He knew what he felt was unorthodox. Some people might not be too open with the idea, and Jaebum always thought Jinyoung is among those people. He kept it to himself.  
  
******  
  
Once there was a girl Jinyoung said had confessed to him. That was normal. Jaebum didn't think much of it until Jinyoung said, "I think I'm gonna go for it." Jaebum winced at the words but he still tried his best to put up a front. He smiled, that big toothy smile and said, "That's new! Congrats man!" Jaebum then made up an excuse to go home early, saying something about helping his mother prepare dinner but promised to celebrate with Jinyoung later. So he dashed his way home. What JB didn't know is that Jinyoung already saw through his lie.  
  
Jaebum locked himself up in his room that night. He did not cry though, he just stared blankly at the ceiling. He thought about what Jinyoung said. True, it wasn't in his character to just agree to dating someone. He knew Jinyoung isn't that reckless (unlike him). He thought that probably this girl had made some sort of impact on him which is, he admits, impressive. He thought about stopping Jinyoung from being with that girl, 'would he want to be with me to begin with?' He shrugged the thought away and tried to get sleep.  
  
****  
  
Weeks, then months, have passed and Jaebum could see some changes in Jinyoung's demeanor. He became more outgoing and more approachable. It's a good change. It's something he's thankful for the girl in Jinyoung's life for. However, Jaebum is also slowly, but surely, changing as well. He became more distant. Whenever his friends would invite him to hang out, he'd always find an excuse not to go. He skipped on his school activities and became more detached with everything. This puzzled his friends, and even more, this worried Jinyoung.  
  
It was their high school graduation and Jinyoung was anxious to find Jaebum. Apparently, he didn't attend the ceremony. He called Jaebum through his mobile and was relieved when JB answered. "Where are you?" Jinyoung whined, masking the worry in his tone. "Sorry." Jaebum said on the other line. "We had to go back to Ilsan for a while." And that was it. Jaebum hung up before Jinyoung could say anything else. He tried calling again but the line went dead. That was the last Jinyoung has ever heard from Jaebum. It worried him to no extent. How could his best friend disappear from him like that. He tried to understand but he couldn't.  
  
****  
  
Years have passed and still no word from Jaebum. Jinyoung tried desperately to forget about him but he knew he couldn't. Jaebum still holds a special place in his heart.  
  
He was alone in his room one fateful morning, staring at himself through a mirror. His hands were shaking, palms sweaty, and he's trying to talk himself to calm down but it wasn't working. His thoughts were interrupted by the sound of a knock on the door. "Come in!" He shouted. Relieved that at least someone had come to calm his nerves. But what came out of that door made his heart pound right out of his chest. He could feel the sweat sliding down on his back.  
  
It was Jaebum. For the first time in his life, JB looked actually decent. His white polo tucked neatly in his black slacks, two of its top buttons undone (typical JB, Jinyoung thought), sleeves rolled up to his elbows. His smile was weak but still sent an impact down Jinyoung's spine. He stood there, unmoving. Jinyoung actually thought that maybe he was hallucinating. He turned around, just to be sure, but Jaebum remained standing there. "You look like you've seen a ghost." Jaebum finally said. It took a while before Jinyoung could answer, "I think I'm talking to it now." Jaebum scoffs, "All these years, and that's the first thing you tell me?" Jinyoung frowned, "Well I'm not the one who suddenly disappeared on his friends like that." Jaebum chuckled, nodding blankly at the space, "Touché."  
  
"Where have you been?!" Jinyoung asked when he finally composed himself. "Been around. Traveled." Jaebum answered. "Traveled to where?" "Places. Saw the world." Jinyoung didn't say anything, expecting Jaebum to say more. Jaebum took the hint and said, "I didn't know what I wanted then, so I went away to look for it." "Did you find it?" Jinyoung asked. Jaebum shrugged at this and said as he stepped closer to Jinyoung, "Maybe." Jaebum fixed Jinyoung's tie, pat him on the shoulders and said, "Looking good." He smiled, that toothy smile he always had which relieved Jinyoung in some sort of way. "Well, I'm leaving now." Jaebum said as he made an attempt to go. Jinyoung grabbed Jaebum's wrist, noting how cold his skin was against his. "You're not staying around?" Jaebum broke contact and said, "I'll stick around but not for long, I guess." And with that Jaebum left.  
  
As soon as the door closed, Jinyoung ran to go after Jaebum but was met by surprise when Yugyeom appeared from the door, eyes wild and panting heavily. He was followed by the others. He noticed that his wife-to-be is right behind them, make up smeared from tears. He gave them all a questioning look and Yugyeom finally spoke. "You have to come with us." Jackson grabbed him by the wrist before he could say or protest anything. They ran to the parking lot and Jinyoung was shoved inside the van as Mark started the engine. He looked around, all of his friends in high school were there, his bride crying uncontrollably beside him, and there was no sign of Jaebum.  
  
Everyone was silent in the car. Bambam and Youngjae stared blankly into space as if the life in their eyes was yanked away from their chest. Yugyeom was beside them, shaking his leg furiously as if anxious to get to wherever the hell they're going. Jackson was in the front, biting through his nails. Mark was practically glaring at the road. Everyone, for some reason, was anxious. He was about to say something when Mark rounded up the corner and aggressively put the car into a halt. Everyone got out in a hurry and Jinyoung realized they were in a hospital. This hit Jinyoung that probably one of his parents got sent here. They ran frantically, he could see Jackson by the Nurse's station asking for God knows whose room. Jinyoung held his bride's hand but she told him to let go and just go after Jackson. He hesitated a bit but the desperation in her eyes convinced him that he should. They turned to a corner and Jackson stood by the door. He pushed Jinyoung to go inside. Jinyoung froze when he entered the room. He couldn't see clearly who it was lying there because the doctor and a few nurses were in the way. Jinyoung didn't need to though, when he saw Jaebum's parents standing by the foot of the bed, he knew who it was and it confused him to no end. As if on qeue JB's parents looked up. "Come here, son." Jaebum's dad guided him towards the bed. He was afraid of what he might see so he stared at the ground looking for some sort of courage. He could hear everyone's muffled sobs, the doctor and his team leaving, and he could hear the pounding on his chest. "Jinyoung-ah..." Jaebum's mother weakly said, "He wanted to give you this." She took Jinyoung's hand and placed an envelope in it. He looked at it and turned it and saw 'Jr.' written.  
  
A few seconds more, he finally got the courage to look up at the motionless figure lying on the bed. It was Jaebum but he was far different from the Jaebum he saw earlier. Jinyoung gasped at the sight, tears threatening to fall from his eyes.  
  
Jaebum lied there on the hospital bed, almost lifeless. His lips cracked and almost white. Earlier, when Jinyoung saw him, Jaebum's black hair fell perfectly on his eyes, the Jaebum now that's in front of him is balding. Only a few strands left on top of his head. Jinyoung stared, more confused than pained. Who was it that he was talking to not too long ago? Is this some kind of a sick joke? Jinyoung looked at Jaebum's pale hands and reached out to it, hands shaking violently as he did. He stopped short and remembered when he grabbed Jaebum's wrist earlier that day, how cold it felt on his skin. He took a deep breath and finally held Jaebum's hand. "Jaebum..." He said weakly, "Hyung..." Jinyoung was fighting back his tears. "Hyung." He called, louder.  
  
Jaebum slowly opened his eyes for even that action was hard for him to do. He couldn't speak but he wanted to call out Jinyoung's name. 'This must be a dream.' He thought. He turned and saw a crying Jinyoung holding his hand, 'Definitely a dream' he thought again. He felt the warmth coming from Jinyoung's hand and that was the first time in a long time that Jaebum felt life running through his veins. He felt a little sad that this might be the last great feeling he'll ever come across in his life. He looked at Jinyoung who is now staring back at him, eyes filled with tears. He smiled weakly, "You look stupid." Jaebum said weakly, almost a whisper. Voice hoarse as if he hasn't said a word in years. Jinyoung dropped down, still not letting go of Jaebum's hand. "Hyung..."  
  
Jaebum smiled. It has been years since he last heard Jinyoung called him hyung. He remembered the last time, after their Grade School Graduation Ceremony.  
  
_"I'm gonna stop calling you Hyung now." Jinyoung declared._  
  
_"What? Why?" Jaebum  asked, quite surprised by the statement._  
  
_"'Cause we're in middle school now." Jinyoung answered._  
  
_Jaebum laughed and shrugged, "Whatever."_  
  
Jaebum was taken back to the present moment when he felt Jinyoung's hot breath in his hand. He gripped as hard as he could though it's not as strong as he'd like. Jinyoung looked up and met his eyes. Jaebum smiled weakly again and closed his eyes. He was tired. Exhausted even. He needed to rest for a bit, he thought. 'When I wake up, I know you'll still be there."  
  
****  
  
It's been a year since that day. Jinyoung decided that it wasn't the time yet for him to get married, which in turn, and surprisingly, his supposed wife-to-be agreed. They haven't spoken for a while, and when they did saw each other, they were surprisingly civil with each other. Jinyoung was going through his old clothes when he came across his old 'wedding suit' he looked at it for a few seconds before grabbing the box and shoving it inside. As he did though, he noticed a piece of paper fell from the pants pocket. He picked it up and realized it was the last letter Jaebum had given him. He turned the envelope and saw 'Jr.' written on it. He looked at it for a few more seconds before finally grabbing his coat and ran out the door.  
  
The weather has been nice today, unlike the last time Jinyoung was here. He remembered at the time he stayed longer than everyone else, rain falling mercilessly on his body. He stood there unmoving, unfeeling. He's standing here now, on the same exact spot a year before. "Hey." He muttered. "Brought you soju." He continued. He sat down at the grassy lawn, knees propped up and his arms rests on each knee. It was quiet around him and he appreciated that. "Sorry I wasn't able to visit much." He scoffed "to tell you the truth, I was actually avoiding you. But.." He held up the envelope he found earlier "you always find ways for me to not forget you."  
  
He stared at the envelope for a few more seconds before finally opening it. It was a letter handwritten by Jaebum. It says:  
  
_Jinyoung-ah,_  
  
_Sorry if I haven't been around these couple of years but since you're reading this letter now, I guess you already know why. I've traveled a bit when I found out I was sick. Saw places, met new people. I want you to know that in all those places, I've always thought of you. After all, you were my brother, my soulmate._  
  
_Jinyoung, I hope you're happy. And I mean it from the bottom of my heart. Don't take anything for granted. Leave no regrets in this world. Sadly, I have one thing I regret most in this life. And it upsets me that instead of telling this to your face, I have to write it in this last letter I will ever write in my life._  
  
_I Love You..._  
  
_And I will always love you even after I leave this life or the life I'll have after that. I'll always love you. Goodbye, Jinyoung. And please, don't forget about me._  
  
_Jaebum._  
  
After that letter, Jinyoung dropped his head on his knees amd cried. He cried harder than when Jaebum had left him. That moment when Jaebum, for the last time, closed his eyes. He kept crying. All these pent up emotions deep within his heart are now coming undone. 'If only Jaebum knew,' he thought, 'would he still be here if he knew? Would he have fought harder if he knew?' Jinyoung felt a stab in his chest because deep down he knew that if he told Jaebum everything, he would've fought for his life harder and if ultimately he still lost the battle, he would've left this world without any regrets.  
  
Jinyoung held Jaebum's letter in his heart and finally said, "Jaebum, I love you too."  
  


**Author's Note:**

> I know... I know... I'm too evil towards Jaebum in my fics I'm sorry. I'll keep him alive next time I swear!!! Thank you for reading and please leave comments and suggestions so I can improve on my writing, Don't be too harsh please I'm only doing this as a hobby. :(


End file.
